The rollercoaster ride of life....

The black dog has arrived!!
Another night of hardly any sleep has passed, in the past week I've been averaging 1-2 hours a night. So Im feeling absolutely exhausted. Due to the mood stabilizers that I take I didn't recognize that I was manic last week until it was too late (Friday I was feeling SO good, I spent heaps of money that I didn't have), after the high inevitably comes the crash., and boy have I crashed.
I had been feeling relatively good for the past couple of months, just the normal highs and lows that 'normal' people get.
However, Saturday arrived and I was really low...Almost as bad as last year when they admitted me to the Psych ward of the hospital where I stayed for 3 weeks.
All my triggers are present, the stomach upset, not sleeping, not hungry, the voices getting louder and more persistent in my head, the urge to cut myself and the suicidal thoughts. The feeling of absolute worthlessness, self loathing and frustration. I have been taking all of my medications so Im not sure what has caused this episode, the only thing that's keeping me going at the moment is that I have my sister and her little kids living here and I don't want them to see me when Im like this, so I put on my happy face even though inside Im being torn apart. I know its not a really healthy thing to do but they don't need to see or hear their Aunty rambling on about doing herself in or to see me sitting in a dark room crying constantly.
On Monday I called my councellor and he made an appointment with the Psychiatrist for Wednesday afternoon, dh Dave is taking the afternoon off work to drive me down there as they don't want me driving a car in my frame of mind. When I told dh he has the time off all he said was "What are you doing to me?" That upset me even further as its not something I wish to have happen, if I could change things I would.
He seems to think that as long as I take my meds things should be okay, normal like but their not!
So I've just got to keep it together until I see the Psych.

Football, piercings and other stuff....

Yet again another week has flown by with life being hectic as usual, things are never dull and boring around here. Dd Melissa decided to get her top ear pierced and got it done via a needle and ended up costing her $65, so I decided to get my left top ear re-pierced with the gun to show her that it doesn't hurt ($25). So then Melissa decided to got her other side done using the gun, so now she has 2 very red and swollen top ears as she has to wear ear muffs at work and is showering in bore water, we've managed to take out 2 studs and replace with sleepers to make it easier to get the antibiotic ointment to go through her ears. Mine only took 3 days to heal so I have sleepers in mine already.
The week went smoothly with nothing major happening, on Friday as soon as we dropped the girls at school Elisa, Matthew & I went to Bendigo and spent the day shopping. I bought myself a pair of black stretch jeans, cow pajamas, bedsocks, 3 bras and a red jacket...talk about a splurge I was feeling fantastic (MANIC) that day which should have been a warning to me, as after a good day comes a bad one and I crashed...
It was a real effort to get out of bed and get dressed on Saturday, (having the kids here helps me as I don't want them seeing me when Im really down, so I put on my happy mask) so I visited a girlfriend who has recently separated from her husband, I spent the afternoon chatting and having coffee. Still feeling really miserable I came home and decided a walk might make me feel better, so I grabbed Dufus and we walked for 40 minutes, we were both hobbling by the time we got home our arthritis was playing up, but Dufus really enjoyed the walk.
After dinner we decided to give the kids a treat by lighting the bonfire so they could cook some marshmallows, we gave them sparklers to play with while the bonfire died down enough so we could get close enough to toast them (the marshmallows not the kids...lol).
Sunday morning rolled around ( I was so tired as I've not been sleeping the past week even with taking valium & temazapan) dh Dave made me a cuppa and then dd Melissa got up and started making pancakes with the help of Talia & Eloise, so we had a huge feed of pancakes. Melissa gave me a beautiful Egyptian bath towel in a gorgeous blue colour.
Dave & I left home around 9.30 as we wanted to visit his mum who is now on crutches as her osteo-arthritis is playing up, she really liked her little gift that I got her from Avon. We stayed for a cup of tea which Dave made...
We arrived in Melbourne at the MCG around 1.15pm (Carlton/Essendon) and got a great carpark almost out the front of the gate, we had really good seats on the ground floor under cover as it rained most of the game so we were nice and dry. It was a great game to watch with it being fairly even and we finally got to sing the Blues song...yay
We drove to Wallan to visit my friend Sue, this time she was home and we ended up staying until 9pm having a real good catch-up. We would have stayed later but dh had to start work at 6am, so we drove home, it rained all the way up till Heathcote then not a cloud in the sky and it was very cold. We arrived home after 11pm. Dh went straight to sleep but I was till awake at 2.30am so I got up and took 2 valium hoping that they would help me, well they didn't so I gave up and have been sitting up in front of the fire.
I will be calling my councilor Kevin today as Im really worried that Im heading into another depressive cycle, as I have 3 out of my 4 triggers happening (and I don't really want to end back in the psych ward). It is just the worst feeling in the world when that black cloud descends on top of you.
So hopefully this week things will improve, will keep you all posted.
Happy Mothers Day to all the Mothers out there.......

An update on Dufus, our dog.

Dufus started vomiting mid Sunday morning while Dave & I were at the football, on Monday I let her out to go to the toilet and she disappeared, at first I wasn't too concerned but after a few hours had passed I become increasingly worried. The thought going through my mind was she had gone away to die. Elisa & I went looking for her but couldn't find her, Dave came home after work around 4.30pm and we searched for her, he finally found her hiding under the caravan behind the hay shed. Whilst looking for her I came across a pile of stuff she had brought up along with grass and dog biscuits was a tampon, (obviously Dufus had gotten into my dd's rubbish). She looked terrible, her eyes were all bloodshot, her nose dry and she was constantly licking her lips as she was very dehydrated. I called the vet and made an appointment for first thing Tuesday morning. Dufus tried to drink water but as soon as she did she would vomit.
So after dropping the girls off at school Elisa, Matthew , Dufus & I went to Rochester, normally Dufus is really excited about going in the car but she just laid down the whole trip. When arriving at the vet Dufus got weighed in and she had lost almost 1kg since her last visit which was only 3 weeks prior due to an infected spider bite on her nose. The hardest part of the visit was explaining to Keith the vet what I had found in her vomit and that I thought she maybe had another stuck in her stomach. He checked her stomach and it was very tender to the touch, he took her temperature which was normal, and did a rectal exam and she was badly constipated. So Keith decided that Dufus should stay and be put on IV fluids as she was dehydrated, give her an injection to stop the vomiting and they would take an x-ray then do a barium meal to check for any obstructions. If there was an obstruction then surgery would be required. I rang the vet around 4pm to check on her condition and she had just had her last x-ray after the barium meal, the good news was there was no obstruction but she was to stay overnight to get her fluid level back up and to ensure the vomiting had stopped. I was to call around 10am the next day to find out when I could take her home. I was so relieved.
So 10am came and I called the vet they were just giving Dufus a small feed to see how her stomach was and they said to call then back at 1pm as she was to have another small feed around lunch time and if all was fine I could get her. So I sat and knitted waiting for 1pm...finally I called the vet and she was ready so I went and picked her up arriving home around 3.15pm. The kids were really excited to see her when they arrived home from school as were the other dogs. So she is on antibiotics and some other medication for 10 days just to help her body fight whatever infection she caught, the vet has put it down to Gastroenteritis, I was worried about toxic shock from what she had swallowed.
So good news all around, now I just get to wait for the bill.......

The past week.

Another week has flown by with life being chaotic...Monday is food shopping day so the whole day was taken up with doing that wonderfully banal chore. Tuesday was a quiet day spent at home catching up with the housework. Wednedsay we drove to Elmore as Elisa was to have her stitches removed but as they hadn't healed they're to stay in for another week, we arrived home to a message on the answering machine from the bush nurse, she had seen Talia at school and the sore on her face that we thought was a bite turned out to be a school sore so a trip to the doctor was in order, the only appointment available for the next week was that day at 2.30pm, so Elisa raced to the school and collected Talia and was back here in time to collect the other 2 girls from school. I drove down to Bendigo to put Dave's wage in the bank and get some jeans for Dave, I managed to get myself a pair as well. Friday Elisa and I went to town looking for shoes for Dave and picking up some prescriptions. Friday night was spent watching the football. Saturday came around and when Melissa came home from work we went to Bendigo to buy some Egyptian Flannellette king size sheets as I was starting to freeze at night, we also bought some potted daisies white and yellow, a frilly cyclamen, slippers for me, so a good retail therapy session.
Saturday afternoon ws spent knitting as Dave had gone to town to visit his dad and have tea with his mum, he visited Cliff and then dropped into the Allies for a catch-up, leaving there and getting home around 1.30am, he had a sleep in on the Sunday as it was his first day off since we went to Portland. He got up and cut some wood before we left for Melbourne to see the Carlton/Collingwood game at the MCG. We arrived at the ground around 1.30pm and the sky was clear, although the forecast was for hail/rain. The game started off really well and was enjoyable to watch, then half time came as did the rain and wind. Third quarter started as the rain cleared, and dh Dave said we are going to lose by around 85 points. Well he wasn't far wrong, Carlton went down by 72 points and appeared to not even bother playing in the last half. Very disappointed we left just before the siren as to beat all the crowds, we drove to Wallan calling in on a girlfriend who was expecting me but she wasn't home. So I drove onto Bendigo got some Red Rooster for tea and drove home arriving around 8pm.
On arriving home my sister informs me my dog Dufus has been vomiting all day, so I spent the evening keeping an eye on her, she disappeared on Monday which really worried me, she spent the day hiding in the hay shed behind the caravan only comming out when Dave came home late that evening, so an appointment for the vet has been made for today as she is not eating and as soon as she drinks she vomits. So hopefully it will be nothing too serious. Will keep you all posted.

Another month gone....

The weeks are just flying by, April has come and gone. We celebrated dh's 51st birthday on April Fools Day with a quiet dinner at home. Melissa & Elisa had gone to Melbourne as Talia & Eloise were to fly out that day to Perth for a month long holiday, they were heading up to Kunnunurra for their Aunties wedding. So all was quiet around the house...
On the Saturday before Easter dh and I went to the Telstra Dome to watch Carlton play the Sydney Swans, it was such a dismal game to watch with the Swans constantly kicking backwards or really short kicks, the crowd became very vocal by booing and hissing, even though our team lost it was good to get out and see a footy game.
Easter came as did the Easter Bunny, leaving Matthew some lovely eggs. I also scored really well with 2 Lindt bunny's and a box of Forrero Roche chockies...mmm my favourite.
On Easter Monday Elisa & I decided to do food shopping, we set off in her car only getting a couple of kilometres down the road before her car made an awful bang and stopped. The car had blown a radiator hose and the water pump belt had come off, so Elisa walked back to the house and picked up my car so we could go shopping. However, we totally forgot that the roads all around Bendigo were closed due to the parade. So not much shopping was purchased. It was one of those days that we should have stayed home.
Elisa was getting more and more excited as the end of the month drew near as her girls were flying home on the 28th. But Murphy had other plans by sending a cyclone towards Darwin flooding all the roads up there, so the girls had to be driven from Timber Creek in the NT to Kunnunurra then a short plane trip to Broome with a night stop over then from Broome to Melbourne on the Saturday. We got up at 3am and left by 3.30am. Their plane was supposed to arrive at 6.20 am, but it was early so we ran through the terminal so Elisa could be there when the girls got off the plane. They were so excited to see her. We stayed and had coffee with Sue (the girls Nana), then headed to Highpoint for some retail therapy. Whilst at Highpoint I had a lovely head and neck massage and Elisa got her ears pierced (the top part of the ear). We were absolutely exhausted so decided to go home, stopping off in Bendigo to have dinner at La Porchetta. We arrived home around 6.30pm with the kids going straight to bed.
Life got back to normal with the girls starting at their new school on Monday, so Elisa & I made the most of the time and went food shopping.
So life has been busy as usual...I wonder what's in store for this month.